The little things....

 On Sunday this sweet boy melted my heart. I was at church in Evanston with my family when Bubba brought Grandma his Book of Mormon and said he wanted to read the scriptures. The sacrament was being passed and they flipped to the pictures in the back. He saw the picture of the Salt Lake Temple, pointed at it and said "that's Steph's Temple." Like a flood the gates opened and I started to bawl. He remembers the Salt lake temple from my wedding day. I do feel so attached to the temple and it is a sacred haven on Earth that I am so grateful for. I love these little kids and the sweet spirits they bring with them. They melt my heart on a frequent basis by the sweet things they say or a kiss on the cheek!

I have to brag and say that I do have the BEST family in the world. They have always been there for me in the toughest of times. Life has not been easy on me the last while....when I have felt alone I have always had the comfort of knowing my Heavenly father is there...EVERY SINGLE TIME I PRAY. But I am also so blessed to have parents and the rest of my family in tune to know when I have needed something. Thursday May 3 will be chalked up as one of the hardest days of my life thus far. I was working the night shift and had been horribly busy with very sick patients for 2 days....Going back to where it all started from was about 3 months ago Jordan had a hernia surgery. He was out of work for about 2 weeks before surgery and then had not been back to work for a little over a month and a half after. These last 3 weeks he has been going to work. He has called me saying he is on his way to work and occasionally throughout the night. I have been having this gnawing feeling in my stomach that something was off. I tried to ignore it and just go on with life as usual....Thursday night the prompting hit me hard that I didn't think Jordan was working. He had not received a paycheck the day before, and he had not called me from a jail number like he normally had. I decided to call him at the jail to check in on him. They answered and said he was not working that night.....I panicked. My stomach dropped and I thought I was going to throw up. I instantly started crying (shocker I know). Work was kind enough to let me use my 30 minute lunch break to drive home and see if Jordan was there. The whole drive to the house I prayed my heart out....I knew he was going to be home. I pulled up to the house and there he was..my heart was breaking and I felt so betrayed. I finished out the rest of work the best I knew how and have been unable to sleep for 2 days straight since. I had been packing his lunches, washing his uniforms, and thinking that he was working. He had not been to work the last 3 weeks he said he had been...This was not right!!!! I feel deceived, manipulated, and the word hurt can't describe my heart. I have been home with my family receiving all the love and support they have. Mending my wounds, staying close to my Father in Heaven, and taking one day at a time. I know that the Lord has allowed me to learn and grow in ways I never knew possible. I can be weak and angry at the trials I am given, but I do know they have been for MY good. I am richly blessed and loved. There has not been one day since this has happened that I have not had an amazing experience that the Lord is letting me know he is here...I have had a phone call at the right time or the right words said. I have had friends or family receive a prompting to talk to me without even knowing that there had been something wrong. I will be okay...in time I will understand and be okay......