Accept the ups and downs as they come....

So I haven't quite gotten to the whole acceptance part yet...I think trials can flat out suck. I'm slightly bitter...AND it is very possibly I've developed some sort of mental disorder. I am an emotional mess! I can go from being okay to absolutely sobbing, thinking my life is over, angry, confused, and the list goes on and on and on. I truly have days that I HAVE to pull myself from bed and make myself get ready and keep living. Have you ever had a day it feels hard to breathe or even live? That's pretty low...I can say I have had trials and heartache in my life, but this current stupid trial is something I had never imagined for myself. Depending on the day depends on my attitude. I am kinda sick of people telling me I will be okay and that I am so strong. I don't feel okay, I don't know that I'll ever be okay, and I am only strong because that's the only option I have. I'd prefer not to be.....Now that I have complained I can say that I have seen miracles and amazing blessings come from such a huge trial. My faith and testimony of this beautiful gospel have grown, as well as my relationship with my Father in Heaven and Savior. I don't understand why and I feel guilty asking why me? I have heard before to ask why not me instead? I don't really want to right now...maybe eventually I can work up to it. I guess I feel justified in my bitterness because I feel like I've tried to be a good person and follow the things that I've always been taught, and that somehow in the midst of it I am going through a divorce. I read this quote the other day and it straightened me right up and made me feel guilty for being such a butt.

"There are no guarantees, and no matter how many things you do right or how many rules you follow, there will always be that fork in the road that makes you choose between this way or that?" 

I am so richly blessed on a daily basis. I know that even though at times I have felt utterly alone or deserted that I have never walked this path alone and that in fact I have been in my Savior's arms being carried through it. My favorite song that I put on here truly is what I have to refer back to on a daily basis...what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand disappointments are what it takes to know he's near? I have shed millions of tears, to the point of complete exhaustion, and this has probably been my greatest disappointment thus far in life but....if this is what it takes for me to be molded and shaped into the daughter of God that I can become then I will face it. Not with any grace or dignity but I will do it. June 8th and 9th can be put on the list of my not so favorite days I've experienced. But on the flip side I received so many wonderful blessings, comforts and guidance all in the same. I love little kids and how innocent and close to our Father in Heaven they are. I was standing in line at Walmart to check out on June 8th, had been having a not so fabulous day and was just chatting with my mom on the phone about the fam and what they've been up to...When this cute little three and a half year old boy came over to me and wrapped his arms around my legs as tight as he could. Instantly I had to fight back tears (the ones that make your throat hurt). He didn't know how hard of a day I had had, and how much my heart was hurting at that time. I had this warm feeling come to me that just said to me, "I am here, I know you're hurting, I love you." His mom asked him what he was doing and he said he just wanted to give me a hug and proceeded to invite me over to his house to play. I should have taken him up on the offer.

I am going to post some recent quotes that I love and that have given me strength recently. Mostly so that I can refer back to them on the days that I don't feel so strong and don't really want to continue on.....

"There is a beautiful reward in giving. Everything happens for a reason, even if we never understand it."

"Accept the ups and downs as they come…and live “one day at a time.”

"Often you will find it is only when you look back that you can see that what you had thought was a wrong turn has brought you to exactly the right place and that every step was a right one after all."

"Today’s encouragement: You are stronger than you realize. Life’s inevitable adversities call forth our courage. You have a lot of wisdom inside you. God’s plan will unfold with perfect timing. The voice of your soul will lead the way. A hug from my heart is only a phone call away.

Sometimes we feel that we are all alone, as life brings us challenges to overcome and hardships to bear. But when we least expect it, help can appear. It may be a kind word from a stranger or a phone call at just the right time, and we are suddenly surrounded with the loving grace of God. Miracles happen every day because angels are everywhere."

“You are always in my prayers, and I want you to remember that so you will be open to the grace that comes your way. I have asked that you feel the love of God like a gentle breeze when you need inspiration….that your faith remain unwavering through all of life’s challenges… and that hope be the burning light that always guides your way.”

“Listen for that voice inside guiding you toward the right thing to do, the right path to travel, and the knowledge of what will bring you happiness and fulfillment. That voice is very quiet, like a whisper. Over time, and mostly through the challenges in life, you will learn to hear it more clearly. Whenever you fell that tug to do something new, help someone in need, or share what you have learned, listen carefully… and follow your heart toward your dreams. “

5 Keys to Happiness

1.    Realize that happiness is a choice…you can make the decision to be happy each day.

2.    Remember that happiness is contagious. Make someone smile, and the good feelings come right back to you.

3.    Be grateful for the little things in life that are free. Make a list, and add to it each morning.

4.    Believe that ultimately everything happens for a reason. Acceptance leads the way to happiness.

5.    Give away some courage every day! When you encourage another to “keep going” hang in there, or believe in their dreams, you will find an unending source of happiness.

"Remember to listen to your heart… it is where your courage lies. When l you follow your heart, you may meet challenges, but each of your steps will be guided. Remember that “today” is always the most important day. Enjoy every moment of it, and may your dreams come true!"