He doesn't immediately try to make it better...he listens first

I have been amazed as I have grown in life and my understanding of it this far how truly and deeply my Savior knows me. There have been so many occasions that I have knelt in prayer to speak to my Heavenly Father when I am so deeply anguished and SO lonely.....and I have realized that he doesn't immediately try to make it better, he listens first. He lets me say what I need to say and then I am quickly turned to my Savior. Forgiveness has not always been easy...but when it happens I know that it is not me, but that it is my Heavenly Father working through me. All he requires is for me to not get in the way of his light and mercy and his brilliance. I know that the times I feel alone that I am never alone...I am grateful that God allows us tragedy's and trials in our life, not because they are easy or wanted.....but because they help me love. Because of them I have come to know my Brother who has known such sorrow and grief. And I deeply hope that one day I will be able to see him as he is and be able to be like him.

~Tough Times DON'T Last Tough People Do~

 “The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.”- President Gordon B. Hinckley

"There are those among you who, although young, have already suffered a full measure of grief and sorrow. My heart is filled with compassion and love for you. How dear you are to the Church. How beloved you are of your Heavenly Father. Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you. Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. He suffered more than we can possibly imagine, and He did it for us; He did it for you.

"Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." —Jeffrey R. Holland

I am really trying to be happy WHERE I AM AT RIGHT NOW. To live everyday to the fullest and to enjoy it.....not idly hoping for the day that I am happy again...but that I can make myself be happy in this very moment. Maybe I am not where I felt like I should be, or where I hoped to be in my life but I know that I am where I am because someone can see things that I can't see. Someone who can see the "bigger" picture...I know that I can make an impact on the life's of others around me and that I can be a positive influence. I want to leave others feeling better about themselves....that hopefully for that moment that I was a part of their day that they may be able to forget some of their worries, lighten their cares, and lift their day. 

I missed you today......

This life is not always easy, nor was it meant to be; it is a time of testing and proving. At times when we may feel to say, Hope you know, I had a hard time, we can be assured that Jesus Christ is there and we are safe in His loving arms.

Hi Grandma. I missed you today....Aunt Rosalee is in Heaven with you now, and I know that you two are laughing and catching up with each other. You were always the best example of being sweet and positive to every living person on this earth. I feel that because of your life I am able to endure my hardships a "little" bit easier. You lost so much during this life and had many heartaches....I too have felt that frequent disappointment. Some days I feel that as soon as I recover from a trial the next wave comes to knock me down. Life has a funny way of constantly teaching us lessons. Because of your strength I know that I can get through these heartaches too and still be a wonderful loving person for them. Last night while I was in bed reading I came upon a section in my book called "Enjoyment." I know that this was no coincidence but a little tender mercy. It stated, "Life is not to be endured; life is to be enjoyed and embraced! The belief that we must square our shoulders and get through a meager, deprived existence for far-off rewards in Heaven is a codependent belief. Yes, most of us still have times when life will be stressful and challenge our endurance skills. But we're learning to live, to enjoy our life, and handle situations as they come." I know you had days that were hard and sometimes unbearable...but you never just endured life. You embraced all of the wonderful people in it and the blessing of life itself....I can't wait to see you again and have our little chats. I love you!

Do you love me more than you love ALL of this?

THE FIRST GREAT COMMANDMENT

~HE IS MY REFUGE AND MY FORTRESS~

Each Conference I try to listen to at least one talk a day. This talk by Elder Holland was my favorite and I have listened to it at least 5 times since November. But today....I heard it...really heard it. I love being able to read the scriptures and scriptural doctrine and being able to find something new in it; especially when you need it most. I can only hope to have more time on this Earth to learn more and more deeply understand this Gospel, the Atonement, and build my relationship and selflessness towards my Savior. I am humbled often by my lack of understanding and with the ability I have to sin. I am still like a child in the gospel and have so much more to learn. The Lord asked Peter THREE times if he loved him. My thought when I listened to this was that if the Lord asked me if I loved him that there would not be a second of hesitation for me to say YES! But as I listened to the talk I thought of the things that I have done that would not be showing the Savior my love for him and my devotion DAILY to the gospel. I'm sure he would ask, "Then Stephanie, why are you here?" Why are you not out serving my children?

“Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me."

He will want to know if in our very mortal, very inadequate, and sometimes childish grasp of things, did we at least understand one commandment, the first and greatest commandment of them all—“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind.” And if at such a moment we can stammer out, “Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee,” then He may remind us that the crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty.

“If ye love me, keep my commandments,” Jesus said. So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before.

I am so grateful for my testimony of the gospel that keeps my life on track, that gives me HOPE. That reminds me daily that the Savior has never left me. He will never leave me....that he loves me and prays for me. I need to remind myself every day to be a disciple of Christ and to never look back until his work is finished and that the love of God rules the world.