How we met!

So I really really want to start blogging again! Especially now that I am married and I haven't blogged one dang thing about me and Zach. I don't want to forget all of the special moments....so why not start on our 3 Month Wedding Anniversary Date?

To start things off I had received an email from an old friend from USU back in December 18, 2012. She had sent me a sweet message a bit after my divorce and I had never responded....I was in such a numb state that I really didn't respond to very many people at that time. One day I was going through my email's and I saw her message. I "really" read it this time and sent her a message back which was now February 20, 2013. Just over a year later...I ended up going to her facebook page where I saw a picture of her husband with two other guys in it. I immediately took notice to Zach. (This was the picture)

She and I started talking and she asked if I was single (which I was) and said that she thought Zach and I would be perfect together haha. I had added him on facebook and then saw a bunch of pictures of him with my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfiriend....weird circle there, so I deleted him and decided to forget about it. I was out on a girls night with a friend when I got a message from Zach that said, "Did you delete me off facebook haha?" AWKWARD! I ended up having to explain my craziness and he explained they were just friends. I told him that I still didn't think that we should go out. After talking for hours he said that he was on his knees and that he would stay there as long as he had to haha. It was about 2 in the morning so I finally said I would agree to dinner with him as long as I could go to bed (hahaha jk babe), but we set a date for 2/22/14. When he came to pick me up he was so cute and so sweet and seemed a little nervous. The more he and I talked the smaller and smaller the world got. We knew a ton of the same people and we had both been up at USU at the same time but never met. When I told him I was from Coalville he about ran off the road because he was so excited :) He said that he basically grew up there. He went hunting and fishing up Chalk Creek every year which is where out home was, so he probably passed our house a thousand times. We even found out that he had guided hunts for the same company as my brother and that they had met briefly. For our date we went to Taggarts, he was such a gentleman and made me feel so comfortable. When we got to the restaurant there were only a few tables that were taken (which is rare, they are usually so busy and loud). We were seated right by the fire. I kept catching him just smiling and staring at me while I would be talking. We went back to my house after and watched a movie, but basically we just talked for hours and hours. I think he left around 3 AM. We talked about all kinds of things. I felt like I needed to tell him that I had been married before...When I did he said he already knew and that it didn't bother him. I instantly felt so much relief. I thought even more of him that he knew but yet he was not the one to bring it up. He talked to me about his family and his sister Mikell who had passed away from cancer. He said that he never talked about her to the people he dated. Mikell and I were only a couple weeks apart in age and I just had this feeling that she had a big part in Zach and I meeting. He had told me that he had really been praying about finding someone to date and marry. Little did we know then that we would be married 8/14/14 a year and 7 months later. This was the beginning of us dating! Oh and I left out a small detail...the little butt kissed me on our first date! haha

SAN FRANCISCO GIRLS WEEKEND!

I am so lucky to have the Momma that I DO! We had the best time in San Francisco over April 18-21 2013. I had just Graduated with my BSN and it was my Mom's Bday so we planned a fun weekend get away. I honestly wouldn't have wanted to go with anyone else! Our first day we got settled into our fancy Hotel and went out to explore the city. We ate lunch at a cute restaurant that seated you outside in between two buildings. It was a cute little nook off the road. That was the first of many meals to come with the yummy fresh fish and shrimp. We ended up getting on the crazy double stacked buses and got a tour of the city. We also went over the Golden Gate Bridge and froze our butts off on the way there haha. I forgot out windy and chilly it gets. The tour guide said that the weekend we came was supposed to be one of the warmest and nicest! Woot Woot.

We were able to do so many more things over the weekend like visiting Alcatraz. It is amazing to see where the prisoners were and fun to travel over to it on the boat. They had said how horrible it was for the prisoners because they could always here the laughter and celebrating over in the City and they knew they were stuck in such a horrible place. They also told us what laws and such the people had broke that had made them prisoners in Alcatraz.....pretty sure the majority of our population would be banished to Alcatraz these days. Maybe that's not a bad idea? haha jk. 

They have a temporary light show that is going on at the Bay Bridge and we were lucky enough to be there while it was still going on. It was really pretty! I can't remember how many millions of dollars they said it cost for it, but it was pretty ridiculous. San Francisco has one of the largest homeless populations, and they were literally everywhere. It was so sad. I can't imagine how many people could be fed with the money spent on lights, but we still loved it!

One of the things I loved most was the food (of course)! But I absolutely love fresh fish and shrimp, so we had it for every meal possible. "The Cod Mother" was one of our favorites as well as "Bubba Gumps." Yum! I think I came home a good 5lbs chubbier, but it was well worth it! We loved walking down at Fisherman's Worf and seeing the fun shops. We were able to go to Ghiradelli Square and share a banana split and thought lots of our Grandma Lue and how much she would have loved it there! Her diet consisted of chocolate, and more chocolate. We also paid WAY too much money for the lame Wax Museum. All I can say is holy ghetto! As you can see the cardboard cut out of Justin Bieber was the best part of the whole thing.

Sunday we had a pretty laid back day. We had grabbed a few things the night before for breakfast so we slept in a little and then got up to pack and get ready to go home. We tracked down a taxi to take us to an LDS church not far away and we were able to make it to Sacrament before our plane left.It was such a good meeting!!!! We were so happy we decided to go and had such an uplifting day! I learn from my sweet Mother on a daily basis. She is continually in tune with the spirit and has received so much comfort and guidance for our family and for me personally. I sincerely believe that she knows who she is and who's she is, and she has never ceased to teach me the same thing. When we are together and I get to hear her pray I can feel the relationship she has with our Heavenly Father. I hear her pray for my brother's and I fervently everyday and know that truly there are few things in life more sacred. Because of her faith I have been shaped into the woman I without a doubt in my mind I KNOW I have protecting Angels around me because of her prayers.

I LOVE YOU MOMMA!

"Every trial & experience you have passed through is necessary for your Salvation" -Brigham Young

I have been reading a book that has such uplifting messages and reminders in it. Funny how Heavenly Father gently nudges you when you need it...even if it's on something that you've known and believed your whole life, I still tend to get lax. So...this was on prayer. I hate that I tend to not pray as much, or as fervently when my life is going easier. Maybe I wouldn't have the big trials and hardships as often if I was as spiritual now as I am during them? Any who the other night I read this chapter on prayer and loved it and knew the Lord was telling me something.

Prayer can and should encompass every moment of our day, regardless of our activities. Prayer isn't a chore, task, or something to be checked off on a to-do list.


 PRAYER IS PASSION. Prayer is protection; a calm in the storm of life and a safe harbor. Prayer is connecting with The God of the Universe, holy, high and exalted, who desires a relationship with each of us, with you!

Prayer is sharing life's joys and difficulties with our Creator. Prayer is talking and listening. Prayer is spending time with the One who knows YOU BEST. No pretenses are needed. God is Love. And when you pray you're communicating with love. Prayer is talking with Love, The One who loves you.

~ONE YEAR~

June 7th and 8th....Two days that I will never forget.....that will continue to pass, and that I know some day will pass easier. It's been a year...a year where tears have come often, prayers have been answered, sleepless nights have been had, faith has been tested, hope has been my driving force, miracles have been seen, grief has been real, fears are present, and the Lord has always been close.

God, help me be grateful for all my lessons, even the ones that caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me learn what I need to learn, so I can stop the pain in my life.

I am so ready to be done! Done with worrying, done with crying, done with hurt. I don't want to live in fear anymore. I don't want to be fearful of the future, fearful of going in public or seeing him. I don't want going to the grocery store to be hard anymore! I want to live my life for me and to be sincerely happy....I just don't know how to do all of this yet. I will never not be grateful for my experiences. All of this has made me who I am. I can honestly say that I have seen real, unmistakable miracles and the hand of the Lord in my life. Whether it was directly him giving my comfort and peace, or if it was at the hand of a friend, family member, or stranger answering a prayer exactly at the moment I couldn't do it anymore. It is hard to think of the sleepless days and nights that I was going through at this time last year. I seriously thought that I had used up all the tears for my lifetime and that I would never cry again. I remember working all night long and never going to sleep during the day...for days on end. I remember feeling such a heaviness on my chest that it was difficult to breath. I remember not wanting to get up and having to live another day. I have felt the hurt of the reality that something I wanted so bad not being there...the reality of life crashing down around me. I have looked over some of my journal entries during the darkest times of my life and just by reading them can feel the burden I felt during that time....."Life has been hard. Hart to live, hard to breathe, hard to smile. Life feels dark. I feel like I am in sinking sand and can't get out. My home is quiet. My burdens are heavy and more than I can carry. My self esteem is lower than I've ever experienced. I feel worthless, ugly and incompetent. I don't know what to do or how to do it." How GRATEFUL I am to be out of that place. Who knows where I would be right now if I hadn't? I have been richly blessed and my life is happy. I have the most amazing family and friends. I have a job I love and can support myself. I have the gospel that blesses me daily. I have the temple that has been a refuge and protection.

"He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in him. I testify that the Savior's Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair. Whatever your distress, please don't give up and please don't yield to fear."

If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort.

If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope.

If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened.

If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.

"Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you. A woman's abiding trust in God and unfailing devotion to things of the Spirit have always been an anchor when the wind and the waves of life were fiercest. If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates."

March 16th, 2013 Elizabeth Smart

I haven't blogged for a while! But on Saturday March 16th I went to a devotional that Elizabeth Smart spoke at with my Mom up in Evanston. It was titled "Overcoming Adversity." She did such a good job! I can't imagine actually living the horrific incident that she went through.

I have had my ups and downs and good and bad days throughout the last year. On the day that I went to her devotional was a day I had just been thinking, "Where is the justice?" Selfish I know......Elizabeth spoke about the night that she was taken and some of the events that took place over the 9 months she was gone from her family until she was finally found. She spoke about how after she had been gone for a while she started wondering if her friends and family even missed her. Or how they probably wouldn't ever want her back because she felt so used and dirty from what had happened to her. She gave a scenario that as a child your mother may have had a very special vase that she loved. And that she would tell you often to be careful around it so you didn't break it....and that one day you ran by the vase and accidentally knocked it to the ground and it shattered into millions of little pieces. The vase was just sitting on the shelf innocently and yet it was broken....it was so broken that no matter how much super glue was used it could never be put back together or be the same again. She explained that was how she felt...broken, damaged, never to be the same again. I started to have tears go down my face....that is exactly how I have felt. My trial is nothing in comparison to her....but I felt used, damaged, broken, and I KNOW that I will never be the same again.

I have had to try to come to terms that yes 9 and a half months of my life were taken away that I can NEVER get back....but I can choose to be happy and to live my life to the fullest. Me being bitter or sad only hurts me...It is very possible that I will not receive restitution in this life, or get back what I lost....But it will be okay because God is a perfect God. He is a God of justice and mercy. All that was lost, all the hurt, all the fear, sadness, tears will be made up for in the next life. That is the hope that we can always hold on to when we go through trials and it is the hope I have to remind myself of on a daily basis.

The negatives are really positives~

 The negatives are really positive and what brings me closer to God!

His love is TAYLOR-MADE just for me.

I have asked before where is the abundant life God promised in the midst of suffering. Sometimes it's hard to find... and life just stinks. I've learned to go with the flow and admit the truth. Deep waters I am want to tread in....but God never leaves my side.

The more trials I have endured, the more I've experienced God's unending faithfulness and love. With each hurdle crossed, each trial survived, comes strength, fulfillment, and joy. Limping through life isn't what God intended. Jesus came to set us free. Not partially free, but completely and totally free. When we allow God to walk us through and provide healing...He uses our difficulties to help others to fight their battles. I have learned this lesson so strongly the last year and a half. All around me people are struggling...whether it is physically, mentally, or spiritually. I know that through trials and my experiences that I may be able to help in part of their rescue. I know that when we struggle, hurt, or sin that God picks us up, dusts us off, and sets us on our feet again. He is continually granting his unfailing grace. God NEVER fails to forgive sin, to heal wounds of the past, to supply beauty that is all around us, and every need I could ever have.

I admit there were days when I wondered why I was in the situation I was and why it wasn't changing...but God never EVER left me. He never fails. Regardless of what trials and messes the adversary throws at me HE will never fail me. Christs love for me is forever, faithful, just, merciful, abounding, everlasting, gracious, compassionate, and patient. His love is wide, long, high, and deep and is always there when the floods come and sorrow is present. I am fully aware that God's purposes are beyond anything I can imagine. God looks at us and sees our potential and all that we can become! I know that he sees how I can conform to the image of his Son by gently and sometimes painfully shaping my testimony. I am so grateful for that!

"Abundant living is not just about life, it's about living in Christ, finding who WE are in Him."

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians

Always learning!

I went to Institute yesterday even though I was completely overwhelmed with homework and it was the best decision I made (even though NO homework was done) :) I am always learning! Even if it's something i've been taught my whole life it's funny how we forget and can still be touched by something we've heard before. The lesson was SO good! The teachers taught it on reading your scriptures. I am much better at listening to conference talks than I am at reading my scriptures. But after the lesson was over I made it a goal to read my scriptures every single day no matter what. They promised that if we did that something would touch your life. They also promised that we would be better at the things that are important to ME personally. In Joshua 1:8 if promises that if you read the scriptures that you will have good success and prosperity. You'll be blessed with WHATEVER YOU NEED (who doesn't need that?). They shared some experiences about people who had been blessed with the temporal things because of reading your scriptures. Some of the points I was taught were:

• You'll become independent.
• You'll know how he will save you.
• You'll have an eye single to his glory with nothing doubting.
• There is nothing that you will not find an answer to.
• Your mind will be enlightened.
• Have the spirit of prophecy and revelation.
• It is one of the most powerful weapons against the adversary.
• Inspiration of the Holy Ghost.
• They will sooth you.
• You'll get a demension to your life that nobody else will get. 
• It will increase your faith, increase your desire to do what's right, you'll feel inspiration, and have understanding.

Can you tell I'm in school because I'm making bullet points? Pathetic I know! I needed this lesson so badly right now! I NEED to be soothed, I need to feel enlightened and strengthened, I need a powerful weapon against the adversary when he is working so hard to bring me down and work on my weaknesses of inadequacy. I am taking the challenge to see how many days, months, and years that I can go reading my scriptures everyday. Thank you Heavenly Father for continually blessing me, guiding me, comforting me, letting me know it will all be ok.......and giving me the strength and tools to keep going!