I want to be like them!

Wow...Life is crazy. I've had such a debate with myself and the attitude I get to choose over trials. Last night I was lying in bed and opened up my book that said, "Let go of timing. We want things so badly. We want our life to change. Right now we need to relax. You are being prepared. You can let go of timing and good things will happen when the timing is right."
I have prayed to my Heavenly Father SO much and have asked that I can be grateful for ALL of my lessons, even the ones that have caused me the most pain and suffering. Help me to learn what I need to learn from them.While getting ready for church today I was thinking about trials and the things that happen in all of our lives. I was thinking about Joseph Smith and so many other people who have suffered SO much during their life.....and I thought about someday making it to the Celestial Kingdom and being able to stand beside them and talk to them. I felt instant gratitude and strength for my trials. I WANT TO HAVE THEM! I want to be like these amazing people. I want to someday after this life be able to look back and see ALL that I have overcome, and not hope for an easy life. I want to be able to say I passed my tests! I want to feel worthy to be in their presence because I know how much I have overcame too! I instantly felt remorse for the times I asked my Heavenly Father why? There is so much I learn from each individual obstacle that I overcome, but if nothing else I am ALWAYS driven to my knees and to my Savior. And for me that is more than I could ever need. The hope that I find in my Savior is the anchor for my soul. I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things. I don't think I will ever fully understand the meaning of all things in this life, but I think that is part of my test to have faith in him that I can fully trust where he is leading me. I am slowly being molded into the Daughter of God he wants me to be...I want to say at the end of my life that I have been through the refiners fire.

"But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.

For can a women forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."

I read this in church today and I know that he has never forgotten me and that he never will leave my side. This is one of my favorite Hilary Weeks songs....

Hilary Weeks: Never Alone

 Why did this happen
Do you know what's happened to me
And Heaven were you watching
Were you watching over me
Cause the way that I've been feeling
Well I'm feeling so alone

So if you hear this prayer
And if I'm not alone
I need to know
I need to know you're there
I need something to hold on to
I need someone who will care

Carry me on
And Carry me through somehow
Make since of this pain
And show me the way

Cause when the darkness comes
I'm a prisoner to my fears
Although I'm listening the doubt is all I hear
Then I reach for your hand
and feel you reaching back
And the light returns

And I begin, I begin to understand
My soul can feel the Mercy
And the love in your plan

And when I let go
And turn all the hurt and sorrow over to you
The burden is light
And trusting I find

Though the storms roll in
And the winds of change may blow
I know you'll let them come
So that I can learn and grow
And when i reach for your hand
I feel you reaching back
And that's how I know
I am never alone