How I feel about turning 28!

09/09/15

I feel like it is crazy that I am 28 years old! Life really does fly by so fast, and I can only hope that I make the best of it everyday! Looking back I thought by 28 I would be married with a couple of kids...it is crazy that my life has not gone how I thought it would, but I honestly wouldn't change a thing! I have been able to grow and learn so much, and I have also been able to find a husband who I sincerely cherish and love in a way I didn't even know was possible. I have had a lot of experiences since I graduated high school that have stretched me and taught me so much.

My senior year I was offered a scholarship to go play softball in Nebraska. I remember having a hard time making the decision to go since it would be so far away from home. This experience was SO incredibly difficult at the time. I had a lot of days I felt completely alone. I was in a completely different environment and culture and didn't know a single soul. I lived in the dorms shared by the male and female athletes who were young and excited to party living away from home. I didn't have anyone around me who shared my morals or beliefs, and as a bonus I was getting my butt kicked in softball. There were so many nights I stayed alone in my dorm room while the rest of the dorm was partying, getting wasted, and doing who knows what else. I remember one night specifically that I was laying in bed crying so hard it hurt. I was homesick and alone....This was one of the first experiences I had in my life feeling completely and totally alone. I remember praying SO hard and just asking for even a tiny bit of comfort....just to know that he knew me and that he was listening. I remember feeling this overwhelming warm feeling wrap around me and it felt like I was being hugged. I knew then that Heavenly Father was aware of me and my struggles and that I would make it through this. While everyone would be sleeping in recovering from their hang over, I would get up early and go to the only LDS ward in the town by myself haha. When I would be getting back from church around noon they would be starting to roll out of bed and asking where the heck I had been.  These are just a few of the experiences I had while I lived in Nebraska and they helped me to be strengthened, to become more independent, and to help strengthen my testimony for future obstacles that would come my way!. 

I had decided to not go back and continue another year out at Nebraska and while I was home on a break I had the head coach from Chadron State University in Colorado asking me to come pitch for them. He had watched me play and was offering me an amazing opportunity to play for them along with a scholarship. I knew he was an amazing coach from having a couple friends play there, but at the time I was so broken down I didn't have any confidence to continue on. After a ton of praying to make a decision I decided to come back to Utah and move up to Utah State. I had so much fun up there! Probably too much...especially my first semester haha. I played so much, made a ton of friends, dated more than I knew possible, and pretty much bombed all of my classes. I spent the summer staying up there working and retaking a few of the classes I had done so poorly on haha. I know it wasn't the best, but it had been so worth it. After that semester I finished all of my pre requisites for nursing school and decided to apply down in Ogden. After I was accepted to nursing school I really wanted to stay in Logan and commute to class because I loved it there and had so many amazing friends there. My parents weren't too thrilled with that idea and I ended up going on KSL to find a place to live. I had only been to Ogden twice in my life! I didn't know the town or anyone in it. This move was another very difficult time for me! I had left my comfort zone once again. I started school and all of my classes were in the evening so I was able to continue working as a CNA. I transfered from the company I was working for in Logan to the one in Ogden. The company was Alpine homehealth and hospice. This may age me but this was before we all had a GPS at our side....so talk about difficult driving around to patients homes having no clue where I was! I got lost constantly! My first summer living in Ogden I decided to interview to try and be an EFY counselor. I had gone to EFY as a youth and loved it! I was accepted to be a counselor in Provo Utah! This was such an amazing opportunity and I loved every second. I had been considering a mission, but wanted to finish nursing school so for me this was like a little "mini mission." I sincerely saw miracles and learned more from the youth than i'm sure they learned from me! 

The nursing program I was in was an accelerated program and I felt that I lived and breathed studying and clinicals.There were a lot of overwhelming moments in that program! After I had been accepted I had prayed and told Heavenly Father I knew I could not do it on my own, and promised that if he would help me get through it that I would work my absolute hardest and that I would never forget that it was because of him! Even though this was some of the busiest time in my life I had been called to teach Relief Society. I learned so much from this calling and found that it helped balance me in my life. I made it a goal to not study on Sundays. It was really hard at times and I spent a lot of Saturday nights studying and setting early alarms Monday morning, but I know that I had been blessed because of it. After I had been released as a teacher I was also called to be a counselor in the Relief Society. This was yet another opportunity I was given to be able to serve and focus on someone and something besides myself.  Two days after taking my boards I had been waiting and waiting to see if I had passed online...at 11pm I got a text from a friend that said she had seen my name on DOPL. I had passed! I cried and immediately said a prayer of gratitude because I was sure I had failed. I was able to graduate at age 21 as a nurse and feel so blessed to have started such an amazing career so early.

After graduating I worked at Hearts for homehealth for a year and a half then I decided to go to the hospital where I worked on CVTU (cardiovascular thoracic unit) for a year and a half, and then to the ER for 3 years. I got into a serious 2 year relationship after I graduated and ultimately knew it wasn't right. It was a very difficult breakup. A while after this breakup is when I met and got into another relationship. That relationship ended up in a marriage. A marriage that was very difficult. This was yet another time in my life that I felt alone. I was working full time on CVTU working straight night shifts and had also started the BSN program. I remember sitting down at my computer trying to type papers and do my homework and just staring at the screen for hours. I was so tired and overwhelmed that I would just cry and not be able to focus longer than 2 minutes. Looking back I am able to see that those prior trials had helped prepare me for the most difficult time I would have in my life. These were very dark, lonely, hopeless, numb days. It was a time that I still don't fully understand how I survived. Having been able to have a few years of perspective since that divorce I am able to see that yes it was the MOST difficult time in my life, but it has also been one of the greatest blessings. Because of that situation I was able to be completely broken....because I was so broken my Heavenly Father was able to pick up those pieces, put them back together, and mold them into something more beautiful. Someone that is strong, someone who knows they can do hard things, someone who knows "who they are, and who's they are." I grew to not just know I HAD a Heavenly Father, but I grew to KNOW my Heavenly Father. Having known such heartache, I can know something so amazing. EVERY SINGLE DAY I see something more that I am grateful for in Zach! I see that because I have seen something so different. I cherish the looks he gives me, his compliments and kisses. That he lets me snuggle him and smother him. That he laughs at my jokes and sincerely loves me for ME. I cherish his testimony, his love for his family and my family, his love for kids. I cherish our eternal marriage and I will never take it for granted. I cherish these days we have alone together learning more about each other every day. I truly am blessed with the best!